ladies and gentlemen.

exhibit i:

effluvian sinus infection. dizzish fever. feelings of pukishness. someone dropped an anvil on my head. this was the morning of my flight; well, my first flight; well, my non-flight. luckily, the transparent glue rolling out of my nose was able to power a small hydro-electric plant on my upper lip that released a squadron (herd?) of robotic beagles to run into the forest and fetch me some ephedrine-based decongestants. once again, i said luckily.

exhibit ii:

the french are known for being bureaucratic (in fact, i think they invented the word). short story short, i got my visa a day after my airplane flew into outer space. i rescheduled my flight, like a good frenchman, about twenty minutes before missing it.

exhibit iii:

re-flight delayed three hours. to apologize for this, klm gave everyone $10 vouchers for food anywhere in the airport. the catch: it was ten o'clock at night and everything closed at that precise exact moment. unfortunately, someone slid under closing gate and got in line at burger king, causing the manager to open the restaurant to the entire airplane. what this means: 200 people trying to spend as close as possible to $10 (without going over) at burger king. luckily (again), i wasn't hungry. so I got a giant ('king'-sized) milkshake, a bottle of water, and two pieces of pie. $8.81. keep the change.

arrivant.